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Friday, March 28, 2014

The feeling of letting go...

Many times, it is always easier to be said than done. This is indeed a truth, for most of us. Especially to me, of course.

Although I must admit, some times, memories did flashes back and dreams still persist! How to forget when one had already been deeply kept inside our heart? How to let go when the heart had kept it securely so that it would not be loosen? And...time... does time always heal when all had happened in the past?

Weird, I had pushed all my anger down to nowhere, just to try to be a better person. However, every recent moves and every recent incidents had caused me to bring up the anger to another level. I had tried my best, to be gentle for not to hurt anyone again...but it seems the more I tried to become another person, the more the hatred is pressured on me.

Hoping the best for you seems so fake from me. Do I really mean it? No! I do not. Deep inside me, there is this inner voice to tell me to not to be pretentious. This inner voice is telling me to start the war, to make everything worse, to cause chaos, to create catastrophe which is against all odds, to not to let go whatever should have been mine. My conscious me is telling me to be rational, to be considerate, to be gentle, to not to create troubles, avoid jealousy, and be more open. Am I able to do this?

I am not being negatively involved with my emotion, and I had been trying to be positive every time I know that subconscious should not be allowed and fully-controlled consciousness must be in place. Nevertheless, letting go still far from what I can image, and harder than what I had tried. Should you appear again in front of me, while you are the initial person whom had rejected me? Yes, and No. I had tried to keep and patch things up, with all my might, Yes, you should have accept it at least just once to indicate that you had let go. I had tried now for making the first step, and you are the one whom had prevented any steps to be taken; which I believe, you are just as similar as me, whom still can't let it go and yet, we are pretentious. Continue to block me in your telecommunication method, any sort of way, to prevent me to take a step further sound like a good choice for you, why do't you still keep that up, and now you don't? I had said I would not call and bother you anymore, which I will keep my promise as I am a person whom keep my words!

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